My Bad.

It was my mistake, my bad!
How could i done that damn thing! I thought it was just a joke...an old friend's joke.

Yes, I hurt you.
I'm hurting your heart.
I hurt my baby...my bibly...my lovely biba...my man.

But, It was nothin' honey, i swear for a God sake..nothin' happened within, not as bad as u'r thought.
I love you, i love you....demi Tuhan gw cinta.
I need you...YOU...here...beside me...close to me..more than anything!

Gw tau mestinya gw malu
Gw sadar, semua yg gw lakuin
Tapi itu ga ada apa apa, biba.
It was just an old friend's joke.
Dan perasaan gw ga ada apa2!
IT WAS NOTHING!
Gw bukan seperti yg biba pikir dan tuduh itu,
Tolong.....jangan samakan ade.

Gw butuh biba, jangan tinggalin ade ya yang...
Ade sayang sangat sama biba.
Maaf.

02:25 AM

Dan diwaktu ini, detik ini, gw pandangin wajah suami gw...
Dan mulai gw letakan tangan gw di pipinya
Mengelusnya,
Pelipis, pelupuk mata dan keningnya....

Perlahan keluar hawa panas dan dingin dari dalam diri gw
Setitik air hangat mulai menetes dari indra pengelihatan ini
Dia,
Terlihat lebih lelah dan letih dari bbrp bulan yang lalu
Dia,
Terlihat air mukanya lebih tegang dari bbrp bulan yang lalu
Dia,
Terlihat sangat menikmati sekali istirahatnya pagi hari ini
Dengan nafas yang menunjukan kelelahannya
Dia berselimutkan keringat yang bercampur dengan asap rokok sebagai hidangan penutup sebelum tidurnya.

Cukupkah hanya untuk hari ini sayang? Dalam hati gw pun bertanya...

Gw tau, hidupnya lebih keras dua bulan ini...
Itu semua dia lakukan untuk kami, gw yg notabene adalah istrinya
Itu semua dia lakukan untuk nunjukin ke keluarga gw dan (mungkin) keluarganya, bahwa dia pria yg bertanggung jawab

Dan gw....
Merasa berdosa sangat, semua perkataan gw, pikiran buruk gw, perlakuan gw yang dia ga suka.
Dan gw...
Cuma bisa mengeluarkan air hangat dari mata gw ini tanpa tau kapan akan berhenti.
Dan gw..
Cuma bisa memandangi dia dibalik punggungnya, dan mengelus punggung, dada dan sesekali wajahnya...
Dan Dia tidak merasakannya....

Tapi gw, selalu berdoa, selalu meminta, selalu sebut namanya disetiap doa-doa gw
Gw tau,
Banyak kekurangan, kejelekan yg ada di diri gw...
Banyak hal yg dia ga suka dari diri gw
Tapi gw, selalu berusaha menjadi terbaik buat dirinya

Gw,
Sayang sama dia
Mencintai dia

He is the one,
For better or for worse,
Nothin' but Biba,
My Soulmate.

Maafin ade, biba
Ade sayang sama biba
Ade sangat mencintai biba.

Love

i love bibly ... i love him damn much!
i feel his love through me, body and soul
i pray... everythin' for me and you.

i love bibly!

Well Done

It might be LOVE...
I definitly can't discribe what the hell happen and feel for this far.. But i found the answer this morning.
"22 characteristics of people fall in love with someone" ..... Hahaha, so..this is it!

if ...

if I die tomorrow, because it had enough to hold all of this ... you'll be sorry ... sorry for the length of your life.

numb.

UNsocialized Mankind

"i may not be able to chat chit chut for tomorrow and so on"

Life is so fucking hard lately. You pull it apart and you’re just left me behind..

I do not know what else can make me survive, from all that will never come out and be seen from the back of my lungs.

Kill me...

"Loving your dream, carrying your pain. Watching me going, slowly to my grave. Didn't know you,didn't know you. Sipping hatred in a glass of milk. Injecting fears in my brittle little veins. Didn't know you,didn't know you. Talking nonsense to me,I wish i could believe. Living me untended, so little left to give. 

Kill me I'm a monster you made me cruel but I'm not a failure. Kill me I'm a monster, I beg you now cause I'm not a killer. Heal me I'm a monster, You spill my blood cause I'm just a dreamer. Kill me I'm a monster, You made me cry it will soon be over. Kill me I'm a monster, You made me cruel but I'm not a failure. Kill me I'm a monster, You made me cry it will soon be over. 
Floating in your dream driven by your aim. Faking to be in laughing at my pain. laughing at my pain. Needed just a ride, with a lovely maid. Sifting trough your light, tearing me to shreds. Blood's coming to my head" 
i really love this song, don't know why... some words that represent how I feel these days. This wounded heart that had been stabbed again ... again and again. i may not forget to easily...don't you see, enough..??